Couples therapy, like other types of talk therapy, is designed to alleviate emotional distress and improve overall well-being in a key aspect of life. However, unlike other therapeutic methods, couples therapy involves three entities in the room: the therapist, each partner, and the relationship itself. The therapist’s role is to balance the needs and perspectives of all three, navigating this delicate process with impartiality.
Couples typically seek therapy when they face differing viewpoints on shared experiences, leading to heightened distress for one or both partners. It’s common for one partner to be more motivated to pursue therapy or to be more optimistic about its potential benefits.
What Happens in Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is typically conducted with both partners present in each session, though occasionally, one partner may meet with the therapist separately. This is usually done to gather relevant information for the relationship and with the consent of the other partner. In some cases, one partner may seek therapy as a way to initiate change in a troubled relationship, often when the other partner is reluctant to participate.
During therapy, the therapist will ask various questions, some of which may delve into each partner’s family background or challenge their personal beliefs and perspectives. Couples therapists do not take sides in conflicts but may address specific behaviors that contribute to relationship issues. Research in relational science has shown that both partners typically play a role in the problems they face.
The goal of therapy is often twofold: to bring the partners closer together or to help them end their relationship in a thoughtful and respectful manner. Along the way, partners are encouraged to develop compassion for each other and themselves, learn to manage negative emotions constructively, and rediscover the attraction that initially brought them together.
Between sessions, couples are usually given assignments to practice the skills, insights, and problem-solving techniques they’ve learned in therapy.
A Range of Approaches for Couples in Distress
Several approaches to couples therapy have been tested and proven to be effective. These methods, though grounded in different theories about relational behavior, all share the common goal of enhancing couple functioning and fostering deep meaning and satisfaction in relationships. Most therapists are trained in multiple modalities and will use techniques from any of them as needed. These approaches include:
- The Gottman Method: Developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, this method focuses on the detrimental impact of negative emotions on a relationship. It highlights the importance of frequent bids for connection, repairing damage caused by missed bids, and sharing inner worlds. Couples are taught how to express affection and respect to build closeness and create “love maps,” reflecting their partner’s emotional landscape.
- Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT): EFT aims to restore the emotional and physical bond between partners as the key to transforming the relationship. Based on attachment theory, therapists help partners access and express underlying emotions like anger or alienation. Sharing vulnerability becomes a powerful way to trigger responsiveness from the other partner. Once emotional connection is restored, couples can work together to solve their problems with mutual comfort and support.
- Imago Relationship Therapy: Centered around the idea of “getting the love you want,” this approach helps partners fulfill the ideal love they developed early in life through attachment to caregivers. Partners take turns listening, speaking, and mirroring each other’s words to demonstrate understanding. Validation of each other’s perspective and tapping into feelings are central to the process.
How Does Couples Therapy Differ from Couples Counseling?
While the terms couples therapy and couples counseling are often used interchangeably, there are key differences between the two. Couples counseling typically addresses a single current issue in the relationship and is usually completed in six sessions or fewer.
In contrast, couples therapy involves a deeper exploration of the underlying causes of relationship difficulties, with the goal of resolving dysfunctional interaction patterns. It often requires healing the emotional wounds partners have inflicted on each other. Therapy helps each individual understand their own needs and learn how to communicate those needs to their partner, as well as how to offer support effectively.
How Do I Find a Good Couples Therapist?
In couples therapy, as with individual therapy, the relationship between therapist and client is crucial. It’s important to find a therapist whose approach feels comfortable, but who is also willing to challenge either partner’s beliefs or behavior when needed. Before choosing a therapist, consider scheduling a consultation with one or more professionals. A good therapist should be open to answering any questions you have and addressing any concerns to your satisfaction.
Couples therapists are licensed mental health professionals, typically holding a master’s or doctoral degree in fields such as medicine, psychology, counseling, social work, or marriage and family therapy. They are not only well-trained in various therapeutic modalities but also have specialized education in relationship science, family systems, and interpersonal dynamics. Some therapists pursue additional certification from organizations like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Couples dealing with issues related to sexuality may benefit from a therapist with certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). It’s helpful to ask a prospective therapist about their experience with couples facing issues similar to yours, as this can accelerate the therapy process.
How Much Does Couples Therapy Cost?
Couples therapy typically costs between $150 and $400 per one-hour session when conducted by a private practitioner. Some therapists may offer a sliding fee scale, so it’s always worth asking if there is flexibility in pricing. Some therapists also offer intensive therapy programs, where several sessions are condensed into a two- or three-day period, usually over a weekend, and are priced accordingly.
Unfortunately, couples therapy is rarely covered by insurance, as it is not usually considered medically necessary. However, there are ways to access affordable therapy. One option is to seek treatment at a couples therapy training institute, often associated with a university, where therapy is provided by trainees under the supervision of experienced professionals. Additionally, some community agencies offer couples therapy at lower rates.
Despite the cost, many therapists emphasize that couples therapy is often well worth the investment, pointing out that it is typically far less expensive than the financial and emotional costs of divorce.
